Become Secure Before Dating Again
RELATIONSHIP RESET COACHING
RELATIONSHIPS ARE EASY WHEN THERE’S AT LEAST ONE SECURE PERSON IN THE ROOM… THAT PERSON CAN BE (AND NEEDS TO BE) YOU!
You are single and you’ve got your life together… great job, great friends, great everything, but in the relationship department you’ve either let the ball drop and don’t know where to start or have been looking and are coming up empty. You’re a catch… So why isn’t it happening for you?
And you’re starting to wonder… Is it me?
When you read most attachment-based relationship books, there are three main conflicting take-aways:
- You’re insecure and there’s nothing you can do about it. You should find a secure partner and rely on them.
- You can become secure, but no one’s really sure how that happens as adults.
- And…
You can become secure, but it’s really hard work and practically impossible.
I have a different take:
- You CAN become secure ALL ON YOUR OWN – not partnered, and it’s actually better that way.
- We DO know how to do it. The path is walkable and with some guidance you can walk it too.
- And, yea, it’s going to be some challenging work, but it is possible and can actually be fun and easy!
I think that the best time to shift is after a break up when you’ve healed and recovered and you’re willing to hit “pause” on your dating and sex life for a time to look inside, do some deep and transformative work, and start fresh when you’re ready again.
It’s actually possible to shift your attachment style, rethink your assumptions about life and grow your relationships from there… truly.
Your beliefs can change! Your needs can be met! Your relational expectations can become realistic! Your coping mechanisms can become healthy.
YOU – Yes! You! – CAN BECOME SECURE!
And you can enjoy the relational bliss we all seek with yourself first… and then with others.
HERE’S HOW WE DO IT:
RELATIONSHIP RESET COACHING
This process is designed for singletons who are “between relationships” – you’ve dated and maybe even been in some longer-term relationships but it just isn’t working and you’ve come to the conclusion that we all must arrive at eventually… yea, people are peopling… but really, it’s me! I NEED TO MAKE A SHIFT before anything is really going to be any different. And I’m ready to do that now.
In this package we will do a deep assessment of your patterns and beliefs and begin the work of unraveling it all so that you can move from insecure to secure and re-enter the dating pool from a totally different place!
WARNING!: Ideally, during this time of coming to terms with yourself and growing into the new you, you’ll NOT BE DATING at all and not even having sex with random people, nada. Why? Because, if you try to do that you’ll be working against yourself and your ingrained patterns won’t shift. Even in your “hook-ups” you’re still enacting the same old relationship patterns you’re looking to shift, promise.
So…
- no dating
- no hooking up
- and ideally, you’re totally over and have moved beyond whoever your last person was.
This program is for YOU and YOU ALONE. YOU… ALONE!
On the other side, you’ll see… it’s a different world! A different experience of dating, connecting and finding love awaits you. And, wow, is it worth the wait. You’ll need to inhibit and detox from your previous ways of thinking and being in order to re-emerge as your new secure, authentic, balanced and clear self moving forward.
HOW TO GET STARTED:
It all starts with a short call in which you’ll find out your attachment style, what’s possible with this work and if we’re a good fit to work together moving forward.
Once you’re enrolled, we’ll cover the basics, of course, attachment healing and relationship understanding updates, dating preparation, etc. But each program will be tailored for each individual and their particular situation, needs and interests. In other words, we’ll also cover what you’ll need beyond just the basics – maybe that’s more related to family of origin issues or even figuring out how to get your ideal health routine going. You’ll be surprised to see how much these patterns affect our entire lives. And all of this will prepare you for dating and relating in new and secure ways!
WHY?
BECAUSE LOVE IS A DEEPLY BASIC HUMAN NEED AND MOST OF US HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT WORKS…
Singletons…
You could learn to date and form meaningful relationships from a secure place BEFORE you “fall” for anyone and then regret your choices once you wake up from the haze of the honeymoon madness!
Imagine your life when your romantic relationships are built on a secure sense of self, genuine connection with self and others, deep compatibility, and mature and on-going mutual negotiation.
You CAN:
Feel understood and understand your partner
Have your cake and eat it too - be yourself fully and join with another fully present person
Go beyond basic compatibility and connection and grow and heal together in ways you never knew were possible
Build a life you actually love with a secure and loving partner who's just as in love with you and your shared life
Happy couple after Relationship Reset
DOING THE WORK…and loving it!
Hi, I’m Robert… and here’s my story:
Hitting “Relational Rock Bottom”
Like many of you, I once felt successful on the surface–career thriving, financial stability–but when it came to love, I was lost. I kept asking, “Why can’t I find the same success in my relationships?” The patterns felt stuck, and despite all my achievements, something essential was missing. Sound familiar?
You’ve built a successful life, yet relationships remain a struggle. You want deeper connections, a sense of security in love, but you’re unsure where to begin.
A Layered Approach to Healing
In my own transformation, I found guidance from the consciousness work of Dr. Jenny Wade and Dr. Lynn Bursten, the Existential Coaching of Dr. Betty Cannon and Robin Chauvin, and the Integrated Attachment Theory of Thaïs Gibson. Blending these teachings with my background as a somatic vocal educator and Feldenkrais® practitioner, I realized that true healing isn’t just intellectual–it’s deeply embodied.
This integration shifted everything, transforming not only my relationships but my sense of self, body, mind, and spirit.
What Matters Most…
Like you, I believe success isn’t just professional–it’s about deep, meaningful connections with yourself and others. Through this work, clients experience what I call “collateral benefits.” For instance, as you learn to listen to yourself, you become open to being truly seen by the significant people in your life. The calm and spaciousness that emerges within you can even spark creativity in other areas of life, allowing projects that once felt out of reach to flow effortlessly.
Client Transformations
Clients often describe this work as life-changing. One said, “I never thought I could feel this secure and confident in love again.” Another broke free from cycles of self-doubt and anxiety, leading to healthier boundaries and relationships across the board. These stories are just a glimpse of what’s possible when you commit to this transformative journey.
Robert Sussuma
Ready to Start YOUR Journey?
When you’re ready to embark on this transformative journey with me as your facilitator and guide, here are a few things to consider:
How do you know you’re ready?
What could your life be like across all areas - not just romantic - if you were to travel this path?
What scares you about the prospect of change? Could that be an attachment fear talking? A negative core belief like “I’m not worthy” or “I’m trapped” coming up?
If you know you’re ready, what do you need to take the next steps?
As Kierkegaard famously said,
“Leap of faith – yes, but only after reflection!”
If you’re here, you’ve probably done enough reflecting to know it’s time for a shift. Throughout the program you will have done some strategic reflecting and processing so that you can leap back into your life and relationships anew at that point.
Through this work, you can cultivate a deeper understanding of yourself and your connections.
Right now, though, I invite you to sign up for my email list and start exploring these ideas yourself as you prepare to sign up for a coaching package. In our initial fit call, we’ll do some reflecting too as we learn more about each other and explore your attachment style in relation to your lived experiences.
I’ll help you curate your journey from insecure to secure, hapless to happy in love, and dialing-it-in to dialing-it-up in life!
YOU CAN TRULY LOVE YOURSELF, LOVE EACH OTHER AND LOVE YOUR LIFE BECAUSE…
Once you do the work – you’ll…
Find that great match and totally rock in the dating world!
You’ll become so good at it that you won’t have to do it any more!
And when you do find a compatible and great partner you’ll know how to nurture and guide that relationship in a secure way from the beginning so that it is satisfying, growthful, blissful and exciting! Of course there will be work to do together to make that so, but it’s the right work; the work that actually works.
THE NITTY GRITTY… AND BEYOND!
What is THE BODY OF CONSCIOUSNESS?
The TBoC Process emerges from 6 interconnected fields of inquiry:
Learning: Observing how we do what we do and developing the skills to create the conditions for deep and lasting change.
Somatics: Experiencing embodied processes for learning anything (physical, emotional, relational…) from the inside-out.
Existentialism: Asking the BIG QUESTIONS that challenge our assumptions and perceptions of self/other and even reality itself.
Attachment: Questioning and updating the beliefs and fears we carry from our formative relationships and transforming the insecure patterns that we learned from them by examining and transforming them in ourselves and our relationships today.
Consciousness: Looking at the large arc of development across our entire lifetime and examining the fundamental bedrock of our self, personality and being.
Relating: A deep look at what it means to be a self among others and how to optimize the “in between” space. This is where true connection can happen! This is where love lives.
You’ll notice that the outlook of The Body of Consciousness includes much more than just relationship and attachment work. Here’s why…
Most psychological processes end with having the perfect partner, house, job, etc. because those are signs that you are able to be a functioning member of society and are “well-adjusted” to the current social system. That’s the goal. And that’s usually the end.
Existentialism and Consciousness work challenges that view and says, no there are bigger questions that we need to be asking and greater arenas of development to be explored. Let’s keep going!
As we know, one can function in society while being insecure, but you cannot truly experience authentic consciousness and beyond – while functioning in relation to society and respecting all others – without first being secure enough to do so. (Btw, trying to do the latter without the former is also potentially dangerous. Just sayin’.)
Being secure is both the end of one journey and the beginning of another!
FAQs
Why is this coaching and not therapy?
There is admittedly some cross-over, but the real focus of this work is educational and about re-framing the present rather than about dredging up the past and working through it all. We can be aware of our past (as we all are) and choose to work with our current patterns and beliefs, our current pain-points and expectations so that we evaluate and transform them toward secure functioning, authenticity and even transcendence here and now.
The beauty of this work is that there is a vision of the “ideal” – there is a way that healthy, functioning, secure individuals and relationships look and operate. We know what we’re working toward. And all of the learning and work that happens along the way is in service of realizing that vision for ourselves, in our own lives, in our own ways. It’s possible. There’s no magic. You can do it. For most of us, this new vision and understanding is 80% of the shift. From there, we can make new choices, find new experiences, set new boundaries and meet and connect with “our people” in the ways we’ve always wanted to but never had a model for.
How long does it take to really see, feel and LIVE the difference?
From my experience, in general, it’s about a 3-4 month process of getting the basics down and from there intentionally working it into all aspects of life. It might start with relationships as one initial interest, but the work spreads to family, work, health, friendships, life choices and more!
If it turns out that I’m deeply insecure, can I really become secure?
Yes you can. You may have many wounds. You may have many unmet needs. You may have deficits in many areas of your life and experience. You may have a deeply inadequate vision for healthy relationships. But, piece-by-piece and with the somatic/experiential component, all of this can/will shift. You might go through some “detox” and/or crisis periods, but you can do it! You will shift if you stick with it.
What is a session like with Robert?
Steeped for years in the world of experiential learning and facilitation, a session with Robert is something like an experiential learning conversation – we’ll be present and engaged with each other and instead of throwing information and exercises at you, they will arise naturally and seamlessly through our connection and conversation. There is a vision and a “project” of course, but you’ll be facilitated through it with respect to your pace, your needs ,and what’s happening and shifting in you as we go along. Ideally it should feel like a smooth exchange in which we work in a secure, respectful, thoughtful and intelligent way that is at once comfortable and challenging, precise and open, complex and oh so simple! You’ll see… becoming secure and finding your authentic “seat” is actually the simplest thing once you get it. Before then, it can seem fanciful – even impossible – but no… you’ll get it. Robert will model it and keep bringing you back to the center of the process for you. Growth can be fun!
Why’s this work called “The Body of Consciousness”?
There are two main reasons for the overall name of this work: 1. Consciousness is the bedrock of our entire experience here as human beings without consciousness there is no psychology, there is no “I” there is no body, there is no experience at all. Consciousness is the spark of “hereness” that allows us to put any of this together in any way at all. Yes, we have a body, but without consciousness, would we know? Yes, we have a sense of self, but what is it built from? Yes we have a personality and even an “identity” but without consciousness were would that come from? So, if we’re going to start questioning our core beliefs, our experience and our basic understanding of ourselves to ourselves (ontological security) we’re in the realm of working with consciousness. And 2. If we’re going to work through “the body” as part of our experience and tap into our own somatic intelligence and wisdom, we’re reaching back into some potentially pre-conscious, pre-reflective territory – which can be very powerful to do in the context of awareness and understanding. But, afterall, what is “the body” if anything at all, without the consciousness that inhabits it, learns in it, moves in it, and relates from it?!? So, in essence we are not a body without our consciousness at all. Our body IS consciousness, consciousness IS our body. Sounds woo woo, I know, but, the more you experience this work, the more you’ll see what I mean. You can test it out for yourself! But, ultimately, it doesn’t matter what we focus on here. Since it’s all integrated it will happen nonetheless. It is what it is.
What if I'm not single?
I’m open to working with individuals in couples as well as with couples, but right now I’m focusing on singletons who are between partners and not currently dating. If you are currently coupled and think this work would benefit you, reach out, we’ll see what we can do together.
Happy Couples
… and one lonely guy wishing he were in one!
